Wearing Blue Jeans and Eating a Chiquita Banana
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
epic amounts of epic adventures...
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
radical love
I want someone who LOVES me, unconditionally; someone who is equally in awe of me, as I am with them. I want a partnership that truly & actively embodies being each other’s PARTNER, meaning that each piece will do (and does do) ANYTHING for the other.
I have already told you that I want someone to love ALL OF ME, including, both, the bad, the good, the obvious and the not so obvious parts of me, and everything in between. When something become complicated or in the least bit hard, I want someone who STAYS, and doesn't split at the first sign of trouble. I need someone who wants and is able to put in the work. I want someone to not have any question about the love they have for me (and vice versa), this is not to say that I want a partnership that avoids questions. It is actually quite the opposite, I want radical love, a love that is a partnership that involves EACH person being committed to discovering and re-discovering each other… this is something that comes from a DEEP RESPECT for each person’s “person” and it involves continuous questioning and dialogue.
Monday, September 6, 2010
heart broken...
Sunday, August 15, 2010
a curious pet peeve discovered
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
a lone ?
Is it bad to feel alone? I feel alone A LOT, and I rationalize to my self that my feelings and actions while alone are simply because I am so exhausted from whatever I had happened to be doing that day. Maybe that is true but maybe it isn’t… perhaps this new situation of living completely alone is something I really need to get use to, perhaps add some structure, become more comfortable with time…. Ah now THAT is an issue, my sense of time has always been fast paced, urgent. But now, I find myself again in the time of transition (or perhaps I never got out of it?) it has become more apparent how relatively slow things go. And I think this is because I have been living alone, out of school and in general out of regular contact with the people I use to see most frequently. Initially I was (am?) excited about having this blank canvas, where I can TRULY choose how to fill my days. Right now however I am finding it overwhelming. Since returning from my BUSY trips I have found myself frequently watching hours upon hours of television…. Maybe that is okay, maybe this is simply process, of my resituating myself in this new environment. I perhaps am being to hard on myself…. I heard from somewhere that if you listen to every little voice in your head, you will go crazy… maybe I am headed towards being an example for this person.
Why do I feel like I have so much trouble with “free time” and/or being alone. Is it because as I was growing up I was never alone and never had “free time.” Am I perhaps being a bit to hard on myself and am I putting expectations on myself that I am the only one ever who is THIS alone and who does is THIS (nothing) during their “free time.” Does this trouble with free time/being alone relate to a truth I hold that living is about being affirmed that your existence matters, which is an external motivator right??? Well maybe I am looking too much for external affirmation that I feel “lost” without someone affirming my actions (step in long list of boyfriends, people pleasing personality, insecurities in conflict)…
Maybe I need some hobbies, or maybe I am just in a lull and when the school year starts back up then I will be my usual swamped self? Why do I do this, overload my days with work?
This is so funny, because whatever is happening right now is totally important for the process, and I am totally NOT trusting the process.
I think part of the issue too is that I have very demanding ideas of what I “should” be doing. And so inevitably, that fact that I don’t live up to these “shoulds” means I am beating myself for not doing them.
Where is the line between being flexible and comfortable with down time and still setting up a structure in order to DO and CREATE?
Monday, May 17, 2010
WTF. facebook. (1 of many)
OF COURSE, I can see the connection for sure! (sarcastic tone)
PS Out of pure principle, I will not "like" MJ even though I do "technically" like him. WTF facebook.